As I said in my very first about the abuse (here) we initially went to the church about the boys abuse.
The kid admitted to the thing he had done and the church thought we could handle it all internally. This should have been an immediate red flag for us but in all honesty we were in utter shock and were unable to think straight in any capacity.
Once the fog started to roll out we realized we had to file a police report. By this time about 2 months had passed and it was mid-December. I am pretty sure while sitting on the floor in our den I just googled “reporting child sexual abuse in Texas” which linked me to a DFPS (Department of Family Protective Services) where I read through what I would need and then it sent me to www.txabusehotline.org. I was able to fill out all of the paperwork online which was helpful for me so I didn’t have to answer any immediate follow-up questions.
Within a week of reporting, on Christmas Eve eve I got a call from a CPS worker asking me if I was home because she was going to come by and talk to the boys. The emotions that went along with this phone call were a bit insane. CPS is often seen as the enemy, fear of kids being ripped from my home was all too real in that moment and my youngest at the time had taken a tumble outside on the concrete the day before and had a scab on his face. I called my husband panicked, thankfully he was able to calm me down (somewhat) and I frantically cleaned the house, started diffusing oils hoping to at least help my house smell clean and prayed — a lot.
Before I knew it she was on my doorstep.
I welcomed her in and she took my boy’s individually into their (not so clean) room and asked them all sorts of questions. My 2nd born didn’t acknowledge that anything had happened but my oldest told her everything. With a direct outcry we made it to the next round of “things” which included a detective interview and a trip to the local children’s hospital to have my boys examined.
Since it was the holidays and the boys were not in any present danger we didn’t start the process until after the new year.
The hardest part with the interviews and exams is how out of control I felt.
I wasn’t able to sit with them during their interviews, they had to go alone and talk to complete strangers about horrible things that had happened. I remember being pulled back by the detective after he had finished talking to both of my boys and he relayed to me what had been shared. Once again our 2-year-old hadn’t talked but our now 4-year-old gave great details; details I had not yet heard. Once again I was stunned at what was happening in my world.
I remember driving away from the interview jaw dropped in shock that this was truly happening, my boys had faced something so horrible and there was absolutely nothing I could do to take it all away.
With the medical exams we were permitted to be with them but Ian was the one that went in the room with them. Sitting in our private waiting area trying to distract the boy who wasn’t being examined as well as entertain our now nearly 1-year-old baby was immensely painful.
Unfortunately after the interviews, exams and submitting impact reports to the detective there is a lot of just sitting and waiting.
Since we had removed our children from interacting with their abuser and they were deemed safe there was not much more the state of Texas needed to do for us directly. I will say this the juvenile court system is overrun and the process is gruelingly slow and often time infuriating.
I share all of this in hopes that taking out the shroud of mystery surrounding filing will help empower those who need to do so. I get being scared of not knowing what will happen if you bring the government in but making sure you do your part in protecting other children from a similar fate is paramount. Everyone we worked with was kind and as helpful as could be doing all they could to make us feel safe along the way.
