Cheers to the End of a Decade 🥂

There is nothing like the end of a year to make you all sorts of reflective, this isn’t new or unique but here I sit typing out another run of the mill end of the year blog post.

[Feel free to skip it 😏] 

This last decade has been one of monumental change and disproportionate levels of pain. I am not so naive to think that no one else has felt exuberant pain these last 10 years but I do wish that some of these things were unique to our family; but from the responses I have gotten about on my abuse series tells me otherwise. The brokenness of this world has become ever more vivid in my eyes.

Throughout this decade I have slowly let go of the faith I held blindly onto that was taught to me in Sunday school.

With every passing year the innocent faith I once held was stripped away slightly more, no longer satisfied by cookie cutter answers or sugary anecdotes. The latter half of the decade was less about the might of God and His wondrous deeds and more about Him being the sustainer of life itself because without that I surely would have died. In the last year or so my spiritual journey has taken an even more bizarre turn as I began to question the Creator’s very existence. Things no longer simple and every experience has been called into question. Here I sit still not quite sure where I stand but knowing I have to keep moving forward in a quest and I don’t have a clue where it is leading. 

I have spent hours re-reading blog posts, journal entries, commentaries and the scriptures searching for clues, for markers of truth and in the mean time I have gone silent in a lot of ways. Scared to speak, to share openly where I have been and where I currently am. Wanting to be concrete in where I stand but learning that life is rarely that. One thing I have learned, especially this year is that NOTHING is ever black and white or simple. I have also discovered holding on to things even beliefs because you are scared of how others will react is foolish. 

In 2020 I will no longer have to have things perfected and polished before I share.

I will give myself space to be wrong, make mistakes and correct my trajectory. For so long I was fixated on knowing my destination being meticulous to head in that direction, but now I will go on the journey for the sake of the adventure and trust I will land where I need to be. Choosing to love and bravely advance forward in life believing if what I have known to be true is in fact truth then I will find what I am looking for. 

Throughout the scriptures it promises just that: seek and you will find.

Verses like Deuteronomy 4:29

But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul.

Proverbs 8:17 

I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.

Jeremiah 29:13

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Luke 11:19

So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

So let’s raise a glass

via GIPHY

Cheers to the adventure in life, the quest for truth, the journey and not the destination. May we remember to honor the moments that break us and celebrate the joyous and triumphant ones. Welcome 2020, I for one, am excited to see you!