Dear Abuse Survivor Momma —
Oh friend. I wish I could have you over for a cup of coffee [or glass of whiskey or a bottle of wine] and a hug. I wish I could sit with you look you in the eye and tell you that the waves will settle and at some point it will no longer feel like you are choking back sea water. What you have experienced is absolutely horrible but you are brave and strong but even more importantly you are not alone.
I am so deeply sorry that you are having to walk this difficult road with your child.
It isn’t fair. A mother shouldn’t have to answer the questions you have had to or explain why what happened to them is so horribly wrong. I am sorry for the countless nights you have felt so alone and you have just wanted to crawl in a hole and hide and quite possibly die. Just remember, you will get through and that child of yours desperately needs their momma.
You will not handle every moment in the trauma (or in life) well. Mistakes will happen. You will inevitably snap at the child you are trying to protect. Its okay. You are not a bad mom. Ask for forgiveness and move on. Give yourself grace in this traumatic season of life.
I know there are times when you feel like you don’t know which way is up or how to ask for help but don’t let that stop you from finding a life ring. For me it looked like pushing even closer to a God I already knew, possibly that God you have questioned for allowing this travesty to happen to your child. ASK HIM! YELL at Him.
Tell Him how much you hate where you are and what you are walking through, He can handle it.
My walk through my sons’ sexual abuse was not always one of intimacy and trust, I had to fight to come to the place I am. God in His’ patience and love took every tear of anger and devastation and sowed it into our future. I see glimpses of His’ hand of grace, power and protection, now, I didn’t so much in the moment.
Keep fighting. Stand strong and be courageous. You and your child will come out the other side stronger. Listen to their hearts, trust your momma instinct and help guide them in this journey. And it is that, a journey. We are coming up on three years in and I know that in all reality there is no end but it’s not the same constant grueling mess it was at the start. There are greater pauses between waves and there are even weeks when it doesn’t even cross my mind.
Give yourself grace. Connect with someone, anyone, even me. Leave a comment. Shoot me an email [ nothinglikeiexpected@gmail.com ] or connect with me on Instagram or Facebook.
You are not alone. Constantly on my knees in prayer for you. Love and grace.
– Lauren
May your journey encourage the many others who are on the same journey!
Thanks, Mama! I love you and couldn’t have walked this path without you.
Randomly found this. Going through this right now. I dont know how I am going to get through the next hour, let alone day.
Trinity,
My heart goes out to you. Sincerely this is the most brutal thing I have ever had to walkthrough and I know it has to feel the same for you. Breathing is sometimes the best we can do. Also, being kind to yourself and your child as you navigate is key. Life does ease up but it doesn’t go away. If you ever want resources or someone to talk to my inbox is always open. nothinglikeiexpected@gmail.com
This happened to both (not one) of my children who are now in their 20s. The abuser would not apologize. We found out 11 years later and it destroyed our family. I lost my stepdaughter as she aided her brother the abuser. My adult children would not press charges or testify against him. My husband lost both his children as the painted us the villains
Rose, I am so sorry. Having multiple children abused is devastating, two (possibly 3) of my 6 were. I am praying for you and your children as you continue to navigate healing and wholeness. The amount of loss that comes with abuse is gut wrenching.
I am so grateful to find this. A year ago I learned my husband of 38 years abused my oldest when she was 10 almost 30 years ago. He was also sexually inappropriate with my 3 other daughters. The day I learned all this was the day I learned my life was one big lie for so many years. My oldest just recently contacted me after a no contact year and we are rebuilding our relationship. One thing that has comforted me throughout the year is Casting Crowns song. Just Be Held. Till today I never through about looking up others on the internet like me and there you were. Thank you
Ruth, I am so sorry I am just now seeing this. I haven’t been active on my site this last year due to a pregnancy. I cannot imagine that kind of massive blow. My heart is absolutely crushed for you and your daughters. My prayers are with you and I hope that you are able to find the healing you need as you navigate this.
It has been a year since I found out. It has been the worst year of my life. He was r***ing her for 4 years. He only got 13 years in prison. One of the hardest things is keeping my faith. My anger and hate is making me a person I don’t even recognize anymore.
There is no justice on this side of eternity I feel. I am sorry that the justice system has failed you. I wish I had words of wisdom on what to do with your rage but it is something I still wrestle with here 8+ years later. I will say it changes but it has remained. Praying for you as you navigate your faith in the midst. I will say God is bigger than any amount rage I threw his way