Lately I have felt like I am standing on the ledge of something big and vast but I can’t fully see what is out there. I feel as though I am teetering back and forth with my toes over the edge with wonder ahead and discontentment behind me. In my head I keep hearing a voice that reminds me of Olaf, remember when Anna was super scared of taking that next step to see Elsa?
But instead the voice is saying, “Just jump. You got this. It will be worth it!” But the thing is I don’t know what I am jumping in to. I have always been calculated and thought out. It took me nearly a year to finally say “yes” to becoming a Sskeo Fellow (Remember Erin and my blog pushing you to buy from her? Yeah you can just come to me now 😆 or her, I mean Erin is awesome. I just think you NEED in on the sweet leather smelling goodies they sell. Anyways, I digress.) My risk with Sseko is minimal but this precipice I stand on feels far more all-consuming.
Vulnerability is a key to the unknown; a key I am not so fond of using when I am unaware of how it will play out. People have told me how impressed they are by my vulnerability on social media, that I share the messy with the beauty but even in that I am calculated. I am not sure I have ever ended a post without a positive spin, which is partially my personality but it is also because I don’t believe people get online to be crapped on. We often drag ourselves through it or at times are dragged through it by others through online debates over stupid issues and things of that nature but rarely do people hop on Facebook or Instagram looking for piles of poo to walk through.
Yes, I want people to see an authentic real version of me but I also don’t want to fail in front of others but that’s not life. Failure is a key component of success; one can and will not succeed without first failing. No child says all words perfectly the first time they try, nor have they mastered walking at their first step, so WHY would any of us buy into the lie that we HAVE to be perfect? Its absurd. No book worth reading will ever be written without an edit or two. For so long I have feared weakness and I have neglected the truth of the song I used to sing in Sunday school, week in and week out.
That last line gets me, I am meant to be weak. The Apostle Paul wrote about this as well in 2 Corinthians verse 9, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me.” Paul understood that his WEAKNESS brought God all the more GLORY. That is what I want, I want to be a glory bringer not a weakness hider.
Let’s shake off the lies we have decorated ourselves with and live life fully! Is it scary? YES! But the better question to be asking would be: Is it worth it? And that answer is even more unequivocally: YESSSS!!!
