Why am I so forgetful? How can I so quickly walk away and forget the truth God has spoken into my heart?
So often I give the Israelites grief for being forgetful of God’s faithfulness and provision and then I turn around and do the same thing. I argue that they had manna from heaven and a pillar of fire by night and a cloud by day but if I would truly observe my life I have the same things. God is constantly working around us, even in the small mundane things. He is there. He is with me. There are days when I see Him move in mighty and powerful ways and the effects last a little while but at some point it fades like a distant memory and suddenly I claim that He has never been there. I am no different from the foolish Israelites, the stiff-necked bunch wandering in the wilderness because I am too dense to look at all God has done in and through me time and time again, to remember the words He has spoken to me.
Thankfully God is faithful to remind me of His goodness. As I was going through a journal from the end of 2011 to see where I was at that point and I ran across something God had spoken to me then:
Lauren, a diploma doesn’t mean you have arrived or a full-time money-making career. You could live years feeling empty and unsatisfied working a job that pays the bills. The enemy will always come tell you that it would be fulfilling, I mean being a nurse, serving others, that is reaching out and touching the multitude. BUT, the truth is serving your family, encouraging your husband, loving and raising your children will touch more lives than you working at a hospital. It may not look like it now but just wait. I do know what I am doing, your children are a gift and so is your marriage. You are stronger with Ian even when he gives back nothing than you ever were without him. You draw from his strength without even knowing it. You say it’s just from his occasional words but in all actuality just sleeping next to him makes you stronger. Cheering him on, seeing him grow and succeed blesses you beyond measure, and deep down you know that. Stop focusing on you and put your gaze back on me, look at me, look to me, I am your everlasting strength and I love you more than any earthly human being could. The Creator ALWAYS has more to offer than the created, so look to me. I love you.
I wish I would have allowed this to sink in at that point. I wish I had worn it as a tefillin on my forehead like the Israelites to never forget the words spoken to me. That I would have allowed God’s truth about motherhood and my family to infiltrate every fiber of my being. Lord, help me to remember what it is You say about who and where I am. Help me to block out the voice of the enemy and especially my pride, who am I to think I know better than You? Are you not the Creator of the Universe? Thank You for Your faithfulness and loving me in spite of my foolishness.
